Who am I? How do I define myself? What do I see when I look in the mirror?
These three questions are some of the hardest you can ask yourself. It is easy to trick your mind into believing certain things but if you are truly honest, what do you see?
For a long time, I struggled to find my place in life. I didn't have any strong passions and in terms of finding a career path, I was lost. On top of this, I was numbing any emotions I had with drugs and alcohol. It was nearly impossible to answer the question, "who am I?”
It took a lot of vulnerability and transparency to start piecing myself together. No one wants to have that conversation with themselves that basically admits to being lost in life. I lived in a delusional mindset where I believed that nothing was wrong with my behaviour. For years, I would do little spouts of therapy and try to put a band-aid on my issues but I never got to the root of the problem.
At the end of the day, it took me hitting a low bottom to realize that I needed to change my life. I swear, if my life didn’t start blowing up in my face I would have never gotten the help I needed. It is funny how sometimes the most devastating events in your life can actually propel you into leading a genuinely happy life. As hard as it was, it forced me to grow and see beyond the surface level of myself. I got to dig deep, feel all my pain, and eventually let go.
I knew, if I wanted to be able to look at myself in the mirror and love who I was, it was going to need to make a drastic change in the way I was living. This was a change I never thought I was going to make but it was the change that gave me a second chance at life. It allowed me to rebuild literally every fibre of my being and give my life meaning. I don’t miss my old life because that person who used to run the show is no longer there. The demons that haunted me have been lifted from my soul and I am free from my pain.
There are days that are still hard, life is not perfect, but I know how to manage my emotions in a healthy way now. Figuring out your place in this world and what makes you, you is one of life’s greatest gifts. You just need to see it as that. Instead of being angry at life for what it has given you, take the first step and BE the change in your life. Make the first move to finding your beautiful soul, I don’t believe anyone could ever regret making this commitment to themselves.
Life is a wild journey. Embrace it for what it is, faults and all so you can live in a way that allows your soul to shine through.