When I was in treatment, my biggest concern was what my life would look like if I was sober. For years, drinking and drugging equalled fun to me. I had no idea what being 22 years old and sober would feel like! No one I knew was sober and my identity was extremely tied to being the "fun, wild party girl." Little did people know, once the weekend was over I would be self-medicating during the week, desperately waiting till it would be appropriate for me to be f*cked up again.
Being so young, part of me used to think that I still had a few years left in me to keep going but another part was so terrified of my inability to stop what I was doing. I had lost all control and I knew if I kept going my life was going to start crumbling, (even more than it already was.) Luckily, my fear eventually outweighed my need to keep going and I sought help.
Getting to this place was hard. There was a lot of pain and uncertainty in my life, I truly did not know how I ended up like this. But, my one saving grace was I knew deep down my life was not destined to be like this. My heart was telling me I could overcome this and bounce back stronger than ever. So, with this ounce of willingness to make a change, I began my journey into sobriety.
People often say getting sober is the easy part, what is hard is it the emotions and realizations that come along with sobriety. When you get clarity for the first time in years, it can be quite shocking to the system. The enlightenment that comes along is almost like magic. Being able to see things clearly that you couldn't see before is an incredible feeling. There is also a lot of darkness, things you wish you did or didn't do, people you hurt, the list goes on.
As these things start to happen, you have two options. One is to run away in fear and turn back to the things you used to think would help you. The second and the one that I chose, was to turn directly into that fear knowing I would come back stronger in the end.
My whole life I lived in fear and always took the easy way out. When I got sober, I made the decision that I would no longer let fear rule me and I would be in control of my life. I would continue to face adversity with courage and try to do the next right thing always.
The second decision that I made is that no matter what, I choose to be positive. Instead of looking at sobriety as a death sentence, I chose to see it as a way to live life with my eyes fully open. I get to experience everything in its most genuine form and that in itself is a miracle. My life is filled with wonderful experiences and incredible people. This all happened because of my sobriety. Without my sobriety, I have nothing.
These decisions seem simple but they are life-altering. This changed my entire outlook on life and how I approach any situation I am dealing with, personally or in my day to day life.
My message today is to face your fears!! Be that positive, bad ass, brave person you know you are. It took me years to even get close to the person I am today and I got there by choosing to live by these 2 simple, yet vital mindsets. If I can do it, YOU can do it!!